Romance scams: how to spot a fake admirer before it costs you

Most people you meet online are exactly who they say they are, and a little know-how is all it takes to enjoy dating without worry. A romance scammer is the rare exception, but a costly one, and they are very good at their job. They read your profile closely, become whatever you hope to find, and are patient enough to spend weeks or even months winning your trust. This guide explains how these scams work, the warning signs police and consumer agencies in five countries describe, how to check that a new match is real, and exactly what to do if you are worried.

What is a romance scam?

A romance scam is a fraud in which a criminal pretends to fall in love with you, usually through a dating site or social media, in order to get your money or your personal details. An Garda Síochána describes how victims believe they have found their perfect match, while the other person is in fact using a fake profile and slowly building trust before asking for money.

The Australian government's Scamwatch service adds that some scammers use photos of famous people, and that many will message or call so often that you feel special, which is sometimes called love bombing. Once you trust them, there is an urgent problem that only your money can solve, or an investment they would love to share with you. Either way, the money disappears.

How common are romance scams?

Romance scams, and dating scams in general, are common enough that consumer agencies track them every year. In the United States, nearly 70,000 people reported being targeted this way to the Federal Trade Commission in 2022, with reported losses of 1.3 billion dollars and a median loss of 4,400 dollars. In Canada, romance fraud caused the second highest losses reported to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre in 2022, after investment fraud.

The real figures are higher, because many people never report what happened. The Garda say plainly that the extent of the problem is not fully known, since many victims are too embarrassed to come forward. If it happens to you, you are far from alone, and there is no reason to feel ashamed.

Why do romance scammers target singles over 60?

Romance scammers go where people are looking for love and friendship, and that includes the many singles over 60 who are dating again after a divorce or the death of a partner. Scamwatch notes that scammers can spend months, even years, building trust, and people who have lived through a bereavement may be more trusting for a while; the bereavement charity Cruse points out that grief can leave us more vulnerable and affect our decisions.

None of this means older people are easy to fool. It means a romance scammer has done their homework, and the best defence is knowing their script before they start it.

What stories do romance scammers tell?

Romance scammers tell stories designed to make sending money feel like kindness. The Garda list the classic excuses: the cost of travelling to see you, emergency medical bills for the scammer or a family member, often a child, and a business opportunity that would let the two of you live comfortably together. The amounts start small and grow as the relationship deepens.

Newer versions are subtler. The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre and Scamwatch both warn about scammers who pose as successful cryptocurrency investors and coach you to invest on a platform they control. Others ask you to receive money and pass it on for them, which can make you part of a crime without knowing it. Scamwatch also warns against sending intimate photos to anyone you have not met, because scammers use them for blackmail.

How they ask to be paid is a giveaway too. In 2022, the Federal Trade Commission found that cryptocurrency and bank wires accounted for more than 60 percent of the reported losses, and that gift cards were the payment people mentioned most often. As the FTC puts it, nobody genuine will ever insist that you pay in cryptocurrency, gift card numbers or a wire transfer.

How can you check that a new match is genuine?

You can check that a new match is genuine with a few simple steps, none of which a real admirer will mind. Ask for a short video call within the first week or two, and suggest meeting for a coffee somewhere public once you feel ready. Someone who is serious about you will want to see you too.

Search for their name, and for the words they use on their profile, together with the phrase "dating scam", as Age UK suggests; scammers often reuse the same photos and lines. Ask open questions about their town, their work and their family, and notice whether the answers stay the same over time. Most importantly, tell a friend or relative about the person you are chatting to. Scamwatch's advice is never to keep an online relationship secret, because someone outside it can often see what you cannot.

What should you do if you think you are talking to a romance scammer?

If you think you are talking to a romance scammer, stop sending money straight away and do not be talked out of it, however upsetting the story or the reaction. Keep the messages and any payment details, report the profile on the dating site, and contact your bank immediately if you have already paid or shared your account details.

How does Forever Match Senior help protect members from romance scams?

Forever Match Senior helps protect members from romance scams by making it easy to prove you are genuine and hard to hide if you are not. Every member can verify their identity free of charge, using an ID document or a short video call with a moderator. Other members only ever see your username and the nearest town, and the site warns you if someone pushes to take the conversation to another app.

Joining is free, with a full profile, daily suggestions matched to the age range and distance you choose, and a few messages a day. VIP lifts the message limit and costs £18.49 for a week in the UK, $24.99 in the US or €24.99 in Ireland. Forever Match Senior will never ask you to pay a member, and no genuine member will either.

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